wishing well..

It's another hectic day for me. Attending training course for e-purchasing this morning at DE, den went to Sentosa for my class. didn't even have time for lunch. Den went to TTSH to visit my grandmother, as well as kiat. Well, it seems further...

I didn't visit kiat outside his room, but near the main entrance of the ward. I didn't want to go nearer, cause from far, I could already see him, very very aggitated.. He kept struggling to get up, jerking the whole bed. Gosh.. It hurts to see him like that.. Understand from XueLian that he had already damaged several bed because of the metal thing that is installed through his feet. He kept shaking and jerking., resulting in the metal thing poking through the mattress and damaging it as well. He really is in great uncomfortability. But Kiat, You have to go through this and pull through this please...

Heard from his sister and mother that tomorrow he'll be out of SICU ward, going to some other ward which I'm not sure whether is normal A/B ward or some other special ward that has nurse for special care to him. But I'm very glad that he's out of SICU ward and that he's recovering fast. However, his sister says not to visit him still for the moment, till he's more stable cos it seems that he is very aggitated still currently. I didn't want to visit him that often but it just happen that my grandmother is also hospitalised, I had to visit her, so at the same time just went to visit kiat, but I just see him from far, didn't go close to him. Besides last saturday, I stood outside his ward, but he was already sound asleep.

Grandmother's condition is better. She could have her meals through her feeding tube, which she couldn't yesterday. I'm glad she's recovering again. =) Went for dinner with Aunt Teresa, Sis Jelaine, Aunt joyce, Uncle Alan and also Aunt Mad's maid. Well, we had quite some family conversations, though I don't really liked the topic. Everyone has their difficulties, like each of us do. There are many things which are beyond my control. Like the chinese saying goes - Jia Jia You Ben Nan Nian De Jing - Every household has its own difficulties. If only everything was so easy, no one would have to suffer in any way.

Just for one very simple thing - for hating my mother... Like I said, if they were in my shoes, they will know how I feel. The fact that she used me to cheat on my dad, is something that I just cannot accept. And the fact that she cheated me too. I just cannot accept it. That is why I hate her so much. But I still give her respect and face. That's the most I could do. The rest, gotta wait till I reach "that age" to understand then, as per they say. But still, unless you guys were in my shoes, otherwise please just don't comment much or even bring it up. Let time heal it. I don't want to be reminded about it each and every time. It makes me hate her more..

give me a break, just give me a break.

I know YOU read my blog. and this is specially for you.

How soon is soon? What do you mean by you know what you are doing? If you know what you are doing, things would not be like this today. You don't know at all. You are so stubborn. You don't even know how I feel. To have lost total trust in you. To think we were like so close in the past, but becasue of sone sucker hypocrite, because of YOU lying to me time and time again. I have totally given up on everything. And remember one thing, I'm not the only one that has lost the trust I had in you. Your relatives, your cousin who even wanted to sponsor to help yoiu create a website for your business, your cousin who you treat her more than a sister than me, the uncle who always ask you to go his place for mahjong, or talk about food cuisine and helps you out. They all have already lost the trust they had in you. And all these was done single handedly by YOU. Ask yourself this question - Is it worth??? When you need help in the future, who else can you turn to! She will not help you but she'll just bring you burden. Think for yourself. Can't you just get a stable job and do things proper with a stable salary before getting into any business. I'm totally tired of hearing you guys say soon soon soon. HOW SOON IS SOON?!?!?! one month? one year? 10 years?! it just seems that the "soon" never comes... please...