tying the knot of 10 years of love, and continue counting..

the fated
love...

looking at the express video of cousin Raymond and wifey Alicia, believe it of not, i teared. I don't know if its emotional or what. I recalled the day my aunt Joey was married.. my brother and I was over at their house since the morning and seen through the whole procedure.. from the early breakfast thingy till the make up and setting of hair, till changing to her gown to andrew coming.. i recall tearing at that time too.. I don't know why.. it just comes.. its like in the shoes of their parents " finally you tying the knot and getting married".

Don't know if I'm crazy or what.. but often i kept asking myself, what would mine be like? from the relationship to tying the knot. would it be blissful? like ray-cia.. 10 years.. since their secondary school days till now they are married.. so envious.. so loving.. when will i have that kind of feeling? It's good to be single.. but it's better to have someone to share your joys and sorrows with. and yet time and time i know i cant afford to get into one... I don dare, somehow, anymore. after the last which was 2 years ago.. the fear is there somehow.. thus i just gotta live life as per normal..

At work - I'm given a chance to upgrade myself, i may be prepared and have the ability to, but i just don't wish to be that high yet. I don't feel comfortable.. because of my surroundings.. however, its a good portfolio for myself.. a guranteed benefit. a gurantee proof that I'm good.. but. i don't know. people are saying that i'm stupid if i were to reject it.. I'm still considering and thinking about it. should i accept it or not.. *sigh its gonna be a double step up. how??

"the most important thing, is to be yourself... yes.. but i
think i ain't myself. i cant do the things i love, due to restrictions.. "